Defining “Success”

Another day, another blog post on definitions! Our emphasis for this month centers on the way survivors define their future and, in that context, their unique perceptions of success.

But here’s the thing – we don’t want to define success. We want the women to define success for themselves based on their lived experiences, their social and cultural contexts, and on their individual dreams and aspirations. This means that sometimes they choose paths that seem counter to what we would choose.

Let’s look at a real life example, one which even gave us pause. (Because we are still learning as well!)

Step into the story of a woman, we will call her Dorothy, in Costa Rica (alias used to protect her identity but the factual experiences of her story remain unchanged). As a child, she lived on the streets for two years before being exploited and trafficked for sex starting at age 10. She developed a severe addiction to hard drugs that persisted for three decades. Consequently, she became estranged from her entire family, including her mother, brother, and even her own children – the emotional wounds ran so deep that they refrained from acknowledging her as a mother, using derogatory terms instead as a means of protection. The cycle of addiction, prostitution, abuse, family hurt, isolation – this was the pattern that defined Dorothy’s life. 

She came to FTG in 2018 but quit the program within a few months - which may sound like the opposite of success to some. But Dorothy quit to enter into a detox and rehab facility by her own choice. She couldn’t do both at the same time, and she saw a future clean of the drugs she had relied on for so long to numb all the pain she felt. Success for Dorothy was defined by taking a step toward this future.

She came back to FTG in 2021, clean and sober, still estranged from family, but with goals and dreams. Within a year of being a part of FTG’s economic empowerment program, she had paid off debt, found a place to live, and taken advantage of our education reimbursement program - enrolling in a night school to get her diploma. After that, she kept going, taking classes to become certified in geriatric nursing. She would often send selfies to our staff - taking notes in class, with her teachers, and in front of the whiteboard. And then she landed a job doing just that! 

We have been so proud of her!  Dorothy, sober and in a great job in the medical field!  What more could she ask for?

So we were surprised when we heard she was quitting her nursing job.  Taken aback when we heard she was doing it so she could open a soda shop instead.  Wait – what?  That feels like going backwards, not moving forward to success, right?  Maybe to us.  But to her….

The nursing job was a very challenging environment for a recovering addict - the stress of the job combined with the access to addictive medication not a good recipe for success. So she calmly, deliberately made the choice to quit.

“The old Dorothy was coming out. I have to protect who I am now.”

And, for one of the first times in her life, she had an option to actually protect herself and the confidence in her skillset to know she could find an alternative job. That’s how she defined success.

So where does the soda shop fit in? We’re getting to that.

Dorothy’s last contact with her estranged family involved a physical altercation resulting in the police being called. But now? Within the past 2 years, she has reunited with her family. Her mother gave her a plot of land to open this soda shop - a joint endeavor with her brother. And her daughters have begun calling her by her own name. Dorothy explained to us that this is the future she’s always wanted – a family, social stability. And now she has it. It may not be as lucrative as a nursing job. But that’s now how Dorothy is defining success. She’s defining it as meeting her grandchildren, as working side by side with a brother she hadn’t spoken to in years, as family dinners around her mother’s table. And she knows that she has options now if the soda shop fails. She has been trained, she has degrees and certificates, she has choice.

Ultimately, choice is how many of the women define success. And because of that, it has informed ours.